Lapsus Linguae

2007-02-26T22:59:00.000-08:00

There's something wrong with my cat. When I got home tonight his front right paw kept turning over when he walked. It's still doing it. It's like when your foot falls asleep but you don't realize until you try to stand on it and it turns when you put your weight on it. He's pretty much walking on the top of his foot.

I hope it's something not too terribly serious, like maybe he landed the wrong way when he jumped off a counter. He's not that young anymore. But I'm worried because about a month or so ago he was walking across the living room, stopped, wailed this scary deep-throated howl while he drooled all over the floor, then collapsed. He got up immediately and walked away after about thirty seconds but he seemed fine. He went straight to his food bowl, jumped onto the bathroom counter for water, and carried on as usual.

My mom things he's been having a series of strokes but I checked the symptoms online and I don't think that's the problem. When cats have strokes they drool, walk in circles to the right and lose control of their hind ends. Sometimes their heads will tilt to the right as well. If it's a really bad stroke they'll mess where they lie. The only symptom George has is drooling, and that's pretty normal for him.

Anyway, I'm doubting the landing wrong or falling idea because he doesn't seem to be in any pain. He'll walk half way across the room looking confused as to wy he's having problems. He's not shaking his foot at all. He let me touch it and move it and then shook my hand away. If he was in pain he would have bolted, or tried to. He even gets his butt high in the air when I scratch the base of his tail. He's purring. He's eating. He's still jumping on and off the counter. But his foot... It's like the cobbling scene in Misery; that's what his foot looks like when he walks.

2007-02-07T11:00:00.001-08:00

If there was a market for mucus I would be rich.

2007-02-03T23:34:00.001-08:00

I wish I wasn't sick.

2007-01-22T23:24:00.000-08:00

A legitimate request: "Bush's Chicken in Dallas, Texas."

What I heard: "Bush is chicken in Dallas, Texas."

2007-01-03T23:53:00.000-08:00

There's nothing quite so wonderful as being seated not only in full view of the wait to be seated area but almost the entire front entrance of the mall when your "charming" son stands up in the booth, pulls his thing out, and announces to everyone, "See my big penis? My love my big penis!"

2006-12-16T21:45:00.000-08:00

I'm looking forward to my days off next week. I'm not going to answer any calls from work because there's no way I'm letting them talk me into working. It seems I spend all my time there already. I didn't expect to catch on to the job this fast. Five days of intense training with exams that must be passed or the job is lost is kind of intimidating and getting thrown into it right away and then learning there are much quicker tricks than those learned in training is disappointing. First I was scared, then I felt efficient, now I'm bored.

2006-12-13T23:50:00.001-08:00

My daughter was a princess tonight.

2006-12-12T22:21:00.001-08:00

Big Christmas concert tomorrow!

2006-12-11T23:48:00.001-08:00

My darling daughter got invited to a birthday party. I had to peel her off the wall to get her to bed.

2006-12-10T00:02:00.000-08:00

My kids are not happy that I'm working. I'm glad the semester is over so I can just work the four days a week and spend the rest of the time with them. Next semester's going to suck but I'll have a butt load of money saved up plus I'll get a bursary (finally) and I'll be able to afford all the fun things I don't have money for now.

Prank calling kids all night at work. Here are some of the highlights:

1) Two kids from Montreal wanted me to look up the phone numbers for all the players of the Montreal Canadiennes.
2) Boy calls up my male co-worker and asks to speak to a girl because he never gets to talk to girls and is told to call a girl.
3) Probably the same kid calls me and says "I want to fuck you up." "What?" "I want to grab your boobies." I told him everyone gets charged just for dialling.
4) Same kid calls back and says "Um... will you go out with me?" "Are you aware that all the calls you've made from (quote phone number) are going to show up on your parents phone bill?" "Uhhh... uhhh..."
5) People in North Carolina and Texas hate me because I can't understand them.

2006-12-08T23:24:00.000-08:00

Here's something I probably shouldn't post:

Guy: Hi, I got this bill in the mail. They want me to pay $110... what happened?
Me: Who sent you the bill?
Guy: (tells me the company name)
Me: Is there a number for them on the back of the bill?
Guy: Yes.
Me: Can you call that number, please?
Guy: Okay. Thanks operator.

Not long after that there was the guy who wanted a woman's number and I couldn't find it so he asked for mine. Not only did I not give it to him, I FIANLLY got to charge someone just for asking. Ha!

2006-12-07T00:04:00.000-08:00

Daughter: Mom, why is mine and ...'s room always a mess?
Me: Because you guys never pick up your toys.
D: Awww, you're so smart!
M: ...

2006-11-25T22:28:00.001-08:00

This is the first time in years that I haven't hated snow as soon as it started. I even took the kids for a walk in it. They had fun.

2006-11-20T01:21:00.000-08:00

I just finished knitting the ugliest dog sweater on the planet. It's school bus yellow and it has a few holes but it's my first finished project. At least it's just a dog sweater.

2006-11-19T01:32:00.001-08:00

EEEWWW!

She just brought the bird home AGAIN! Half eaten, this time.

2006-11-18T22:19:00.000-08:00

I started to let my cat in this afternoon and I thought she had a big slimy leaf in her mouth because she likes to drag garbage in to play with but when I tried to take it out of her mouth this big wing flapped out and a gnarled old foot stuck out in another place and started clenching its toes (talons?) so I chased her into the neighbour's yard.

EEEWWWW!!!!

After that I took the kids to the pool. I didn't know how much I missed swimming. It's been years so I'm going to start going more often. I spent about two hours in the kiddie pool but I really wanted to be in the deep end.

Your Time is Up...

2006-11-14T23:57:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8T2_TlfV9Sw

2006-11-08T19:35:00.000-08:00

My son had the funniest tantrum this morning after I took the bubbles he was trying to pour on the floor away. He kept yelling, "Am I happy? No, mama! Stop laughing!"

2006-10-21T23:54:00.000-07:00

I've acquired a 20 gallon fish tank and a gigantic bubble-eyed goldfish. It's creepy looking. It's white with orange patches and black spots, a massive fanny tail and it has two blueberries stuck to it's head. It doesn't seem to have much of a personality.

2006-10-13T22:04:00.000-07:00

One of my kids' fish was dead when we got home. My daughter is devastated. She's flipping back and forth between crying and begging for the googly eyed one we saw this afternoon.

2006-10-13T00:32:00.001-07:00

I am sick.

This sucks.

2006-09-22T00:38:00.000-07:00

“Two fears alternate in marriage: the one of loneliness and the other of bondage. The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married. For one person who fears being so tied there are three who dread being set free. Yet the love of liberty is a noble passion and one to which most married people secretly aspire—in moments when they are not neurotically dependent—but by then it is too late; the ox does not become a bull, nor the hen a falcon. The fear of loneliness can be overcome, for it springs from weakness; human beings are intended to be free, and to be free is to be lonely, but the fear of bondage is the apprehension of a real danger.”

—Cyril Connolly, The Unquiet Grave

I always knew...

2006-09-13T00:05:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uxTpyCdriY

2006-09-11T23:59:00.000-07:00

My little girl started kindergarten today. She was so sweet going in but refused to play with any of the other kids because she's decided she still would rather go to my school with me. Oh well, she'll get used to it.

2006-09-06T16:25:00.000-07:00

I took my daughter to meet her new teacher this afternoon. She was so cute. She went from begging me to put her straight into university to begging me to leave her alone at kindergarten so she could be a brave girl. I'm so proud of her.

My son has given up trying to throw himself off furniture and he hardly has any tantrums anymore. And when he does throw fits, they're nothing like they used to be. Now he's determined to test his boundaries. Whenever I tell him not to do something he'll take tiny little steps to whatever it is I've told him to stay away from and acts like he's going to do it anyway. He watches me with a mischievious little smile on his face the whole time, then says "I punk!" and laughs maniacally. Yes, he is a punk.

2006-09-05T22:13:00.000-07:00

I got sick of my old blog. It's gone.

Classes started today and I think I'll survive. I've done it before. Just keep reading and writing, over and over and over... repeat.